Monday, March 20, 2006

the birth of the cool

"two days, that's the industry standard"...

"laugh all you want, but if you call too soon you can scare off a nice baby who's ready to party."

"I know I shouldn't have called, I mean, my friends said I should wait two days."

god bless swingers. what a fun movie. like comfort food, can be watched over and over (even for me, considering that i was once dumped right after watching it with a gf) and it produced some memorable (albeit now dated) catch-phrases. it launched vince vaughn and gives jon favreau something to talk about during "dinner for five" (is there a show where he doesn't reference something from the movie?).

it's also, as far as i'm concerned, one of the many things responsible for the death of level-headed dating in this country.

for all the moaning over concepts like "s/he's just not that into you" we lose sight of the fact that there are plenty of times when he or she is that into you and perhaps thanks to the socially conditioned push to search for the bigger and better thing or perhaps thanks to the idea that its uncool to just let go and go with the moment we let good opportunities pass us by. good opportunities to be happy.

it's silly to worry about acting on the feeling after a great first or second date. it's just silly to have what you do after a great date judged by some standard of "cool" or other crazy misconceptions that wanting to again and often see someone who excites you is considered "clingy" or "needy". sorry, but this is a load of crap.

when something feels good right away there's a reason it does. so you go with that feeling...you don't pull back. you don't worry.

because just once is all that it will take.

of course, dating and romance shouldn't really be all that level-headed. i should know as well as anyone.

for the better part of the last two years i've playing it cool. assiduously avoiding even the tiniest bit of vulnberability. all it got me was a bunch of first and sometimes second dates, a few half-stabs at relationships and the odd meaningless "thing". and it's left me feeling cold inside.

so now with things settled that i know i'll be living here for a while, i took a risk. i let a crush in on the chance that it would take root -- the payoff when that happens can be a wild rush. it was one of those things that wasn't just an "it would be nice if it worked out" kind of thing**, but rather a "this should work out" kind of thing. you know, a bowled over and wow kind of thing. the "dare to be great situation" i've been looking for.

sadly (and surprisingly), no go. it was the first time in a while i got seriously bummed at something not taking. but all it cost was a couple of days in a fog, nothing that a good brunch in the city sunday morning and then a soccer game (tie notwithstanding) that afternoon couldn't help to lift. the upside is i'm feeling more alive than i have in a while. sure, the move out to the bay area was somewhat of a rush, but not like this. that was more the logisitcal rush, and the possibilities of a great new job and living out here. this crush rush was pretty good while it was in full flow. and even the come-down has had my senses tingling.

so despite a bump in the road i've resolved that it's better to let the vulnerability in, to just go with the crush. the being guarded, the attitude of "bah, other fish in the sea"? no. i'm too much the romantic to go back to that. letting the crush in, acting on the impulse of a good thing, not pulling back for fear of breaking some assinine rule...that's the way to go.

because to get that phenomenal rush again, just once is all that it will take.

**ps...the "it would be nice if it worked out" kinds of things are great...more often than not good relationships aren't based on immediate "wow", but take a few dates and some sorting out. which is the subject of another ramble about snap judgements, probably coming soon.

1 comment:

Leah said...

Amen to all of that.