Tuesday, August 14, 2007

she's got a new spell

the beginning of a new relationship can be such a roller coaster of emotions. you meet someone special and the chemistry and attraction can be an overwhelming rush...conflicting parts of your brain and heart (and yes, other organs) are sending simultaneous signals to "speed up!!" and "slow down!!". you want the "speed up" instincts to take over because there's no endorphin rush like what romance can give you, apologies to runners and adrenaline junkies out there who swear by the runner's high or the thrill of hurtling down a mountain on skis or a bike.

at the same time, especially if you've been through a few relationships, you want to be able to take time and take stock and make sure it's right. you don't want to get in too far and too quickly for fear of getting hurt (again). however, too much taking stock and too much caution dulls the rush. and you can't really experience the thrills of romance if you aren't willing to risk the hurt. so goes the internal dynamic, at least for us overly-analytical types. and especially for us overly-analytical types who also happen to be pisces...ruled by both rationality and emotion, by both the head and the heart.

then there's the interpersonal dynamic, the process of getting to know the other person. that's also terrain filled with the rush of exploration and the pause to make sure everything is as perfect as can be. you want to always be putting your best foot forward, not putting your foot in your mouth. you want to make sure you're reading signals correctly and responding appropriately, while at the same time signaling what you want and hoping that's taken the right way. you want to show off your best qualities and mute the less desirable traits (and let's be honest, we're all imperfect). you want to be both accommodating to the other person's desires and at the same time you have to be able to speak up when there's something that you're not totally happy with. it's a delicate dance for sure, but the best way is to just be yourself and be confident that if you've worked on making yourself into a good person that those qualities will shine through and that you'll be loved for those qualities.

it's complex and complicated and layered. it's exhilarating and a bit nerve-wracking. you as much want to dive into the deep end as you want to tip-toe in via the shallow end.

but in the end it's worth it, so says this unabashed romantic. at the moment i'm feeling as alive and on edge as i have in a while, but in a good way. there's something at hand that's worth making sure blossoms. i'm shedding the internal caution and hyper-rationality that marked my behavior in my last relationship and letting the moment take over, and it feels good.

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